If Motherhood is like High School....

....then the internet is like the mean girls' clique.

But instead of making you feel stupid for wearing last year's jeans, it makes you feel stupid for feeding your child solids at 5 months instead of waiting until 6.

Instead of making you feel inadequate because you drive a practical (read: uncool) car, it makes you feel inadequate for using disposable diapers.

Instead of making you feel like an oversensitive wimp for reacting to cruel taunts and teases, it makes you feel like an oversensitive wimp for reacting to your child's cries instead of letting him or her "cry it out."

I have realized since high school that if I just done my own thing with more confidence, I would have been much cooler, not to mention happier. So I am going to put that theory into practice now and shun the Internet and all its bullying. And I just have to say: my former homeboy, Dr. Sears, is the worst internet bully of all. He was so nice to my face, but it turns out that he thinks that as mothers go, I am a demon. Of course he would never say so to me directly, but everyone knows.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go clean up after Reid's lunch while he chills in his exersaucer (gasp!) and change his disposable diaper (gasp!) then maybe put him down for a nap in his crib instead of in bed with me (gasp!). Because it's what REID'S MOM thinks is best. And I bet he'll even be happier for it. If that is possible. Despite having a mom who, according to the internet, does everything wrong, I have a pretty jolly little dude. Ta!

Patience: you're doing it wrong

Well, this here is an interesting phase and one that I hope I will learn from, because I know that it's just the beginning of the war of the wills between parent and child.

Reid is strong, and he is smart. He knows what he wants. He just doesn't have all the tools to get it yet. This frustrates him, which often results in the dreaded whining. I. Do not. Like. Whining. Does anyone else feel like their parents' pet peeves were hereditary? Because, thanks for this one, Dad (by the way, CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTHS CLOSED, PEOPLE!!!).

Ahem. Back to the issue at hand: Reid gets frustrated and he whines, and I sit with my teeth on edge wondering when I should intervene. So he wants a toy that's just out of his reach. Do I give it to him or do I let him work on it himself? In my opinion, he needs to build his strength and he needs to get used to the idea that Mama is not going to help him out every time he so much as frowns. So he's in his high chair and has finished dinner, but Mama and Daddy haven't. I don't want to pacify him with more food; I want him to learn that mealtime is family time and we will stay at the table until we're all finished. So he is on his tummy but wants to be on his back. I know he can roll over but for some reason just won't. I don't think I should flip him when he is perfectly capable of doing so himself.

But that means I am graced with a veritable symphony of pitiful whines. I sing. I dance. I make his toys talk in funny voices. I dance more. I sing. I redirect to the point where I'm not sure where we were headed in the first place.

And then we start over again.

Now if you'll excuse me, the whines have taken on a rather more urgent tone and I need to get that baby to bed.

I forgot the eggs

Reid and I took a trip to Trader Joe's this morning in the hopes of finding cheap nuts for to produce ho-made nut butter. I had a short list, and while I was reaching over to get some Brussels sprouts and broccoli, Reid grabbed it out of my hands. I walked over to the banana pile and retrieved half the list from Reid. Half? Yes, half. I looked down at my innocent cherub. His cheeks were rather more puffy than usual. OK. So he ate paper. Eventually all kids are going to eat paper, right? No big deal. Don't panic. But there was a lot missing. That was kind of a lot of paper. So I dug around in there for a few seconds and pulled out the sopping remains.

I thought I was pretty on my toes, anticipating anything that he could get into or that could cause trouble (yes, the ceiling fan in our bedroom TOTALLY could have fallen on his bassinet which consequently DID need to be moved three times at 2am on his first night home, thankyouverymuch) but I clearly underestimated the speed with which he could make a grocery list disappear. Now I know. And now I'm hungry because I forgot the eggs.

So if you'll excuse me, I am going to go make some peanut and almond butter because yes! They were cheap at Trader Joe's!

I didn't do pilates.

and it's gonna be okay.

Instead of weekly pilates, I've decided not to drink for the remainder of January. I might extend it to no drinking until the half-marathon (or after the half-marathon, that is). Yeah, it's cheating because I barely drink these days anyway (I had wine over the holidays, as one should) but hey. Nobody ever said these challenges of mine had to be challenging.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go finish making my mallard chicken enchiladas.

Procrastinating

I went to the grocery store yesterday and spent $48 for a week of groceries. I know!! $48. I forgot the apples and the pepperoni though. I bought store-brand as much as possible. I bought a huge can of authentic enchilada sauce that inexplicably has a mallard on the front of it. Actually, since all the writing is in Spanish, I don't know - it could very well be explicable. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. If one of you two readers (the one who knows Spanish) could tell me why there is a mallard on the can, I'd appreciate it.

So you see things are going well with my January challenges so far. Except I'm sitting here writing about mallards and enchilada sauce when I should be doing Pilates.

I had a chili dog for lunch. And fries. And yet I'm feeling really snacky today but we don't have any snack food in the house. I'm thinking about throwing a can of black beans, a garlic clove, and lime juice into the food processor to make a black bean spread/dip type thing. But we don't have any chips. I don't think we've ever not had chips. I suppose I could cut up some tortillas and bake them.We have corn tortillas for this week's chicken enchiladas. I only need 6 or so, and they come in a package of 30. Why? Who eats an entire 30-pack of corn tortillas at one time? It's kind of like boxes of spaghetti. Half a box is too little, but the entire box is too much. And how do you measure spaghetti? But back to the corn tortillas. I know there are people who do eat 30 at one time (again, I shouldn't jump to conclusions) but we are not those people. You know what would be a really good way to use up those 24 corn tortillas? To bake them and cut them into wedges and serve them with ho-made black bean dip. Hmm.

I'm still not doing Pilates, by the way.

You see up there that I said "ho-made" instead of "homemade." That's because this one time? Joel and I were driving to Door County and we passed a restaurant that offered Four Ho-Made Soups. We thought, well that's just great for them, but I don't think they should call their chef such names. Do you ever stop and think about all the inside jokes that you have with your partner and where they came from? Sometimes I do. Joel and I call carrots "care-OTTS" because of the Friends episode where Ross is trying to get his new couch into his apartment and he keeps yelling "piv-OTT! Piv-OTT!" That's pretty obscure. And that's one in a gajillion inside jokes we have. You could give yourself a ho-made headache trying to trace back your relationship anthology.

Reid is really good at Pilates. He can lie on his back and hold his legs parallel to the ground for minutes on end. You know who can't do that? Me. You know why? Because I don't do Pilates like I said I was going to.

OK. If either of you is still reading at this point...please excuse me. I have to go do Pilates. I think. I'll try. Probably. We'll see. I'll let you know.

New Month Resolutions

I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. Which is kind of weird, because I don't like to start something new in the beginning of the month or week. For example, I've often said "diet starts Sunday!" or "I'll put money into savings on the first of next month." Who am I kidding...I've never put money into savings.

Anyway, you'd think with that attitude, I'd love New Year's Resolutions. January 1st is the ultimate Fresh Start. But they've always been the same thing for me: lose weight. Work out more. Boring. Boring. Boring.

So this year I am trying something new. To keep things interesting, I am coming up with a couple of challenges every month with the hopes of bettering myself and our household. Here are January's:

1. buy store-brand whenever possible. I've always avoided store brand items because I've been a snob.

2. keep the weekly grocery bill under $100. Bonus: Joel says that if I do this, I can keep the difference. Last week I spent $90. That's $10 in my pocket - yay! There are a couple of sub-challenges to this one:

• buy "whole" food. I admit to also being a processed-food snob in recent years. Processed food is bad for you, your body needs whole foods, blah blah blah. I don't really subscribe to that idea anymore, but here's why I personally will avoid processed food: take cereal for example. I can't stop at one bowl. And it's expensive. I can go through a $4 box of cereal in 2 days, or I could get a canister of oats for $3 and eat that for a month. A box of cereal is one flavor; with a canister of oats, I can make a bunch of different combinations and rarely get tired of it. And there is less waste.
• embrace leftovers. I hate leftovers. They bore me. This is purely mental - obviously if I liked it on Monday, I should like it on Wednesday, right? So next week's menu (already planned, thank you!) includes 3 meals and 3 nights of leftovers. Again, less waste and less money. You can't really argue with that.
• move away from organic food. Yet again, I've been a snob. And kind of a doofy one: I have fallen prey to the marketing geniuses who know that slapping an "organic" label on a box of crackers will get more people like me to buy it. And to pay more for it, even. Yes, there are times when organic is the way to go, but I admit that I am not an informed consumer in that regard. I've assumed that organic always means healthier, and that is not necessarily the case. I will not skimp on meats or dairy, though. Since I have a little one to feed, I think it's important that he gets antibiotic- and hormone-free milk, eggs, and meats.

3. Do pilates once a week. Nothing bad can come from a strong core, particularly when one is running a lot and hauling a 20-lb moppet around.

So there you have it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some non-organic oats to cook. Perhaps I'll mix them with last night's leftovers.

Because sometimes I'm more than just Reid's Mom

Every day with Reid is fun and usually brings something new, but not everything is all that exciting to write about. For example, all I can think of to say lately is that solid-food poops are super narsty. And I am already sort of in danger of this becoming a Poo Blog. And let's face it. That would just be a wasted effort. HA HA HA HA HA. Get it? WASTEd effort?! Oh, sigh. OK. Moving on.

There are two other things that I do habitually that I've decided to write about. The first is eat. I do this like, at least three times a day. Usually more. I know! It's crazy. No, I'm not going to write about everything I eat, because that would be more boring than poop. But when I do something kind of fun in the kitchen, like I did today, I figure I should share with the masses in case there are masses out there who also forget half the chili ingredients and have to make the choice between going back to the store after swimming at the gym (with frozen hair and in the snow) or flying by the seat of his or her pants.

The other thing I do on a regular basis is work out. This is not exciting in and of itself, but first of all, I've decided to train for my 2nd half marathon using a plan that I am creating myself (by the aforementioned seat of my pants). I'm much more excited about the race now that I'm making my own plan. Second of all, I go to a gym about 5 or so miles from the house, but walking in there is like walking into Jersey Shore...fast-forwarded 30 years. The people-watching there is amazing, orange, and covered in gold chains. For you, I shall report what I see. You're welcome.

So, that said: so far this week, I did 4x800s and a 2.5 mile tempo workout. I'm really pushing my speed limits this time around. I figure most days I have half an hour to work out before separation anxiety sets in and I have to rush back to Reid (who is playing happily with Daddy. It's my separation anxiety, obviously) so I better make those 30 minutes count. I've been really sore, but it feels good to push. Tomorrow is a 5-mile long run. I'm looking forward to building distance again.

Tonight I swam 30 minutes in the pool (mostly freestyle but some kickboard sprints when the goggles started to squeeze my brain). Then I came home and tried to make some kind of dinner. We were supposed to have chili, but I didn't get enough cans of beans and tomatoes. But Christy, you're whispering, you probably could have just halved the recipe. I know! I know!! OK? I know. But instead I did this:

Baked 2 sweet potatoes (425 for 1 hour)
Simmered on the stove: 1 garlic clove, minced, 1 can black beans (drained), 1 can diced tomatoes (drained), 1 small can corn (drained). Added liberal amounts of cayenne, cumin, and chili powder.

Split sweet potatoes and covered in bean mixture, topped with cheddar and green onions.

This was really, really good. I don't know what it is about sweet potatoes and black beans, but they go together like drool and bibs. And I feel totally stuffed right now, but it was good and healthy (and when I say healthy, I mean vegetably. I do not mean low-cal. I'm over that). Considering my holidays were sponsored by Usinger's and bacon (NOT that I'm complaining), it felt good to get some variety in.

I've also been making veggie purees for Reid. Giving him solid foods is kind of daunting but also really cool. It makes me feel powerful. The pediatrician said that I could give him fruit after he'd tried all the veggies and you know what? I gave him little bits of my banana today. Even though he has not tried all the veggies. I'm a bad mutha. Today we did debut butternut squash, though. It thawed really runny, so I mixed it with some cereal. This combination apparently also goes together like drool and bibs. And speaking of bibs, the little dude loved it so much that he barely even needed one.

If you told me ten years ago that I would be sitting at home on a Friday night, satisfied that I'd made good food for my family, I'd have laughed you into the next county then spouted some misguided feminist rhetoric. And now, if you'll excuse me, those dishes aren't going to wash themselves. I mean, Joel's going to wash them....I'm just finished writing for now.